Leaving on a jetplane
by AAB
Summary: Harm leaves to go flying again. Songfic


**Leaving on a jet plane**

_From__ the song by John Denver – set in episode 85 "_Goodbyes_" _

It was their last night. Or rather, not _their_ last night but the last night in company of all of their friends an co-workers from the office. Tomorrow he would fly to the USS Patrick Henry to work again as a top gun aviator. This was his fare-well party.

It was the end of the evening. She looked at him, saw him gulping the remains of his drink, then searching the room with his eyes. She knew they were about to play the last song, the last dance and he would want that dance with her. And she couldn't. Silently she slipped outdoors, hiding on the porch for a moment to compose herself. After all, she was a Marine, she should be able to set a brave face when they were saying goodbye.

He saw her leave the room and after a moment, when she didn't return, he placed his glass on the bar, excused himself and followed her outside.

She stood a few yards away, looking at the star-filled sky.

"Mac?"

Reluctantly she turned. Inside the house the music started again 'Leaving on a jet plane', the leading song of the evening. He reached out with his hand "Dance with me."

_All my bags are packed I'm ready to go  
I'm standin' here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
But the dawn is breakin'__, it's early morn  
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome I could die_

She had to bury her face in his chest to hide her tears. "Damn you, why am I the only one crying?"

"You aren't," he whispered.

Surprised she looked up to scrutinize his face. In the soft light of the single porch light she saw his eyes glistening with moisture. She nestled her head to his chest again. They swayed to the rhythm of the music.

Another John Denver song was played now, 'Goodbye again.' They kept dancing, silently listening to the words.

_It's five o-clock this morning and the sun is on the rise _

_There's frosting on the windows pane, and sorrow in your eyes _

_The stars are fading quietly, the night is nearly gone _

_And so you turn away from me and tears begin to come_

_And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,_

_Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again_

_And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go? _

"Why?" she suddenly asked.

He swallowed. Talking about his feelings was not one of his qualities, but he knew he owed it to her.

He untangled himself from her arms, without letting go of her hand though. Leaning against the railing of the porch he stared into the dark. "After my accident, I had three major issues to deal with. First there were my own injuries, my own rehab. That was the easiest part. I knew that with some time they would heal. Then there was the guilt. I killed my rio. Frank was only 25 years…" His voice trailed away.

"Did you have contact with his folks? " she asked softly.

"No, I couldn't go to the funeral, I wrote them a letter. But they indicated they didn't want any contact. They blame me. And I can't blame them for that."

He felt more than he saw her movement tot stop his self-accusation. "Yes, I know, it was an accident. A terrible accident. But I kept thinking, if only I had notice earlier that my eyesight was deteriorating. I had had a warning, having difficulties to see properly once but back then I blamed it to exhaustion. I kept thinking, what if I subconsciously knew I couldn't see enough but pushed that aside. An aviator with night-blindness is at the end of his career and I didn't want that. I felt so guilty. Frank was their only son, their only child. He was to engage after that trip. And we were friends." He sighed.

"My whole life was shattered. Since I was a kid, being a aviator was all what I wanted, all that I could imaging me to be. Before my dad departed for the last time, we were to visit his ship, the USS Hornet, and my dad lifted me into the cockpit of his plane, showing me all of the little meters and stuff. Flying Sarah is fun but nothing beats the rush of flying a tomcat. I couldn't image any other life. I felt so much like coming to a dead end."

He turned towards her. "Then I went to law school and at first I hated it. I even left one time but Keeter brought me back. Not because it was bad but because it was unquestionably a second choice. But that changed, it started to get me. I love my job as a lawyer, Mac. I really do now."

"But…?" she asked.

"But when I learned it was not night-blindness but retinal scarring and that I could have a laser operation, that it was possible to improve my eye sight enough to be able to fly again…. It was like … like I got the presents of ten Christmases at once. I was forced to resign, I had never a change to do that on my own conditions, and here it was… my second change. A change to prove I still had it in me, that I still could compete with all the young top guns. There was nothing else, I was so obsessed by the thought I might be able to go back… nothing else seem to matter."

Although they still held hands, he felt her withdraw and he turned to her. "Even not you, Mac, and I'm so sorry for that. I'm sorry for not being there for you when your father died. I'm sorry for not even considering that you might feel different about me flying again."

From inside the house came a bout of laugher. Luckily no one seemed to miss them, at least no one came outside to look for them.

He reached out to caress her cheek, wiping the fresh tears away with his thumb.

"And most of all, I'm sorry I didn't realize how much I would miss you," he whispered harshly. She leaned into his hand, kissing its palm. He lifted her hand, let his lips brush her knuckles, his whole being focussed on her.

Inside someone announced: "Last song". For the umpteenth time that evening John Denver started. He slowly pulled her back in his embrace and they started dancing again. After the first verse she heard him sing along

_So kiss me and smile for me_

_Tell me that you'll wait for me_

_Hold me like you'll never let me go_

_Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane_

_Don't know when I'll be back again_

_Oh babe, I hate to go_

_There's so many times I've let you down_

_So many times I've played around_

_I tell you now, they don't mean a thing_

_Every place I go, I'll think of you_

_Every song I sing, I'll sing for you_

_When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring__._

For a moment she tensed, then remembered it was just the lyrics of the song. Nevertheless disappointment flooded over her and if it hadn't been for him holding her closely she would have withdrawn herself.

But in stead of going on with the lyrics he stood still, watching her intensely, repeating the last words "When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring." His eyes pleaded, telling her everything he still wasn't able to say aloud.

She lifted her head, placed a soft kiss on his lips "When you come back, you'll bring my wedding ring."

The end

**Leaving on a ****jet plane**

_John Denver_

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go  
I'm standin' here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn  
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down  
So many times I've played around  
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing  
Every place I go, I'll think of you  
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you  
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you  
One more time let me kiss you  
Close your eyes I'll be on my way  
Dream about the days to come  
When I won't have to leave alone  
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

**Goodbye Again **

_John Denver_

It's five o-clock this morning

and the sun is on the rise  
There's frosting on the windows pane,

and sorrow in your eyes  
The stars are fading quietly,

the night is nearly gone  
And so you turn away from me

and tears begin to come

And it's goodbye again,

I'm sorry to be leaving you,  
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again  
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go?

It seems a shame to leave you now, the days are soft and warm  
I long to lay me down again and hold you in my arms  
I long to kiss the tears away and bring you back your smile  
But other voices beckon me for a little while.

And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,  
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again  
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go?

I have to go and see some friends of mine, some that I don't know  
and some who aren't familiar with my name  
It's something that's inside of me, not hard to understand  
it's anyone who'll listen to me sing.

And if your hours are empty now who am I to blame  
You think if I were always here, our love would be the same  
As it is the time we have, is worth the time alone  
And lying by your side the greatest peace I've ever known.

And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,  
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again  
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go


End file.
